(Original title – Quidditch)

Here’s some perspective from someone coming to terms with her mortality.

I love hearing people complain about the dumb stuff going wrong in their lives. Love it. I always have. I don’t usually have drama in my life unless it comes from other people. When people come to me with their drama and their troubles, it’s because they know I’ll be honest, and I’ll be speaking from the heart, and I’ll be telling you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. It was this brutal honesty that drove a massive wedge between myself and one of my closest friends for a couple of years. I said something, she retaliated, and the friendship sort of imploded immediately. I didn’t regret what I said, but I did regret the analogy I used in the last email correspondence we had. The hurt lingered for a long time, and I found myself missing her more and more over the past year or so.

Shortly before Christmas, I was thinking about the strength I’ve been using to get through this bullshit so far, and how from the moment I saw the symptoms my whole perspective on life changed. Cancer literally changed my life. I gave zero fucks about anything that wasn’t important anymore.

I wanted to have her attitude to keep my head in check. I wanted to have her in my corner. So, I messaged her.

In retrospect, 9am on a Friday morning was not the time to drop the C-bomb on her but delivering bad news delicately has never been my talent (though I am getting better at it). It took her a couple of days to process it and come back to me properly, but she did, and we opened a tentative dialogue. Over the following weeks, we had random conversations about small things, and then we had The Big Conversation. We cleared the air, and then made plans to have a lady date. I don’t know about her, but I cried the whole time The Big Conversation happened. It was the most I have cried in months, and it was more than I cried over my cacner diagnosis. The tears would just not stop falling out of my eyes. I didn’t realise how much I had missed her presence in my life until I needed someone who owned the strength that I was emulating.

We didn’t argue over a petty thing, it was over deeply personal things. We misunderstood each other in a heated moment at work and were too proud to say we were sorry. We missed out on two years of a great friendship over stupid feelings.

Think about it like I have been, like you’re dying from a disease with no cure, and gain a little perspective.

There are so very many things that we encounter in our every day lives that give us the shits. Someone cutting you off in traffic, a 50 cent surcharge for decaf coffee beans, not enough salt on your KFC fries, not being able to find a parking spot close to the shops on a 40 degree day. Some of these things are flash-in-the-pan anger and are forgotten almost as quickly as they occur. Sometimes, we let these things affect us for far longer than they should, and the anger gets built upon by the next little irritation and the next and the next until it’s a mountain of anger and you forgot what triggered it in the first place and you just want to punch something. The second one used to be me. I would fume and then get irritated again, and smoulder, and then get irritated again, and then burn, and then get irritated again, and then finally erupt.

Until I got cancer.

Suddenly, traffic didn’t bother me anymore – it’s more time to listen to audiobooks or sing along to Disney. If I paid 50 cents extra for decaf, so what? I suddenly had an issue to deal with that was so much bigger than all my tiny little ones over the past year combined. And when I got the news of my metastases, it only cemented my new outlook.

So here’s the thing. Feelings are stupid, and they’re subjective. And people get far too hung up on being hurt over the dumbest shit. If you’re sitting there, stewing about something that, when you strip away all the emotion and feelings is about the smallest, dumbest issue, put your big kid pants on and just get the fuck over it and move on with your life. Is the small, petty bullshit you’re fighting about worth throwing away an otherwise perfectly decent relationship?

Think about if you were in my position who you would want in your corner, who you would draw strength from, and who inspires you to be the best that you can possibly be and get them back into your life by whatever means necessary. Just reach out and rebreak the ice that’s formed between you. Don’t apologise and don’t expect an apology, just say something nice, something honest, and remake a connection. While I’m on the topic, reach out to other people you haven’t been super close to previously – they may end up being one of your most valued supports.

Life is way too short to get hung up on petty crap. Don’t wait for the other person to make contact first, make the first move. Reach out, make amends, and move on with your lives. You might end up needing them, and they won’t be there until it’s too late.